Just thought I would pop in and tell you all how I am.... Quite low and feeling really lost :(
Well you all kind of know what's being going on in my life, my health being a major issue! For as long as I can remember I have struggled with my weight. I have been on every diet, health program you can think of over the years! For what ever reason it's easy for me to gain weight but damn hard to lose it! In the past when I have exercised and eaten healthily the most weight in one go I lost was around 4 stone.. Never could lose any more no matter what I did.
Then when my knee got worse I I became bed bound, yes this almost destroyed me being stuck in bed 24/7 for those 16 months in agony. I am still in pain but now I manage it differently. With help from my family I have been forcing my self to go to the swimming pool, to get out of bed, to move more...each day is a struggle.
Some time ago I was referred to bariatric surgeons to possibly go down the route of a gastric by pass.... Yes dangerous but my options to lose weight and get my life back are quite slim. It's been a battle with my doctor and hospitals to get any form of help.
Yesterday I went along to the hospital for an important appointment... To speak with, nurses, dietitians, doctors, anethatists and the surgeons...yes for gastric by pass surgery. Cutting a long story shore basically I am an extremely high risk category with a few reasons why surgery is not suitable. As you all know food is a major issue right now after catching a bug in a hospital last year. And I have not been able to eat...dairy, soya, fish, eggs. These are really important food groups that are needed and me not being able to eat them now is bad enough but thinking ahead after surgery would be dangerous as they fear I would become malnutrished. I found out I cannot eat those foods by a process of illumination as directed by my doctor. I have been on the waiting list to see allergy specialist for about a year now! Thankfully my appointment has come through now and I hope to have confirmation.... It's on 22 December.
But that's not all they said at the hospital appointment.... Due to me taking blood thinner injections now my risk of developing more clots in my lungs is high. I would have a risk of less than 1 in 100 and for me that risk of dying is a real one. So that and the food issues made the whole idea of having surgery a non starter.
I cried, yes I cried.... I think I knew that surgery would not be suitable, but I needed some hope as my life, my world was crumbling around me. Being told I could not have the surgery devastated me and I am still feeling really low.
It's 5.03 am and I have hardly slept, too many things going around my head and I am worried about my future.. Oh wait this just really upset me writing that, I can't see to type, tears rolling down my face.
I think I am upset as I feel I don't have an options now...
I am practically eating a vegan diet, not through choice I may add! So later today I think I will try and turn my disappointment into something positive, I will try. I am going to look at myself and have some organisation I think. I am going to write a menu for 7 days, no point doing it for longer as the variety of food I can eat is going to be a stretch just for those 7 days! Maybe with structure in what I eat, getting the right food (protein) and knowing what I am eating will help. It will be hard as it will mean introducing meat, .... And exercise, yes I will continue to go to the pool and steam room, I enjoy this so am not going to stop!
Story of my life really that no one will help me...so I will have to help myself! Try a little harder I guess, I am not giving up, I want my life back.
Sorry if you popped in expecting updates on my stitching and other crafts I am doing... My blog is about me, my struggles and what I get up to. If your happy to hear about my and my life as well as what crafts I am doing/creating then thank you for sticking with me! I am in a little hole right now, trying to get myself out of it!
I should go, try and get some sleep I guess?
I just looked back at my post and thought well that looks awful.... Ha ah not the writing, the fact I have added no photos and no colours! Very unlike me!
Until I next pop in.... Xxx