Saturday, 19 November 2016

Feeling low....



Just thought I would pop in and tell you all how I am.... Quite low and feeling really lost :(

Well you all kind of know what's being going on in my life, my health being a major issue!  For as long as I can remember I have struggled with my weight.  I have been on every diet, health program you can think of over the years! For what ever reason it's easy for me to gain weight but damn hard to lose it! In the past when I have exercised and eaten healthily the most weight in one go I lost was around 4 stone.. Never could lose any more no matter what I did.  

Then when my knee got worse I I became bed bound, yes this almost destroyed me being stuck in bed 24/7 for those 16 months in agony.  I am still in pain but now I manage it differently.  With help from my family I have been forcing my self to go to the swimming pool, to get out of bed, to move more...each day is a struggle.  

Some time ago I was referred to bariatric surgeons to possibly go down the route of a gastric by pass.... Yes dangerous but my options to lose weight and get my life back are quite slim.  It's been a battle with my doctor and hospitals to get any form of help.  

Yesterday I went along to the hospital for an important appointment... To speak with, nurses, dietitians, doctors, anethatists and the surgeons...yes for gastric by pass surgery.  Cutting a long story shore basically I am an extremely high risk category with a few reasons why surgery is not suitable.  As you all know food is a major issue right now after catching a bug in a hospital last year.  And I have not been able to eat...dairy, soya, fish, eggs.  These are really important food groups that are needed and me not being able to eat them now is bad enough but thinking ahead after surgery would be dangerous as they fear I would become malnutrished.  I found out I cannot eat those foods by a process of illumination as directed by my doctor.  I have been on the waiting list to see allergy specialist for about a year now! Thankfully my appointment has come through now and I hope to have confirmation.... It's on 22 December.

But that's not all they said at the hospital appointment.... Due to me taking blood thinner injections now my risk of developing more clots in my lungs is high.  I would have a risk of less than 1 in 100 and for me that risk of dying is a real one.  So that and the food issues made the whole idea of having surgery a non starter.  

I cried, yes I cried.... I think I knew that surgery would not be suitable, but I needed some hope as my life, my world was crumbling around me.  Being told I could not have the surgery devastated me and I am still feeling really low.  

It's 5.03 am and I have hardly slept, too many things going around my head and I am worried about my future.. Oh wait this just really upset me writing that, I can't see to type, tears rolling down my face.

I think I am upset as I feel I don't have an options now... 

I am practically eating a vegan diet, not through choice I may add! So later today I think I will try and turn my disappointment into something positive, I will try.  I am going to look at myself and have some organisation I think.  I am going to write a menu for 7 days, no point doing it for longer as the variety of food I can eat is going to be a stretch just for those 7 days! Maybe with structure in what I eat, getting the right food (protein) and knowing what I am eating will help.  It will be hard as it will mean introducing  meat, .... And exercise, yes I will continue to go to the pool and steam room, I enjoy this so am not going to stop! 

Story of my life really that no one will help me...so I will have to help myself! Try a little harder I guess, I am not giving up, I want my life back.

Sorry if you popped in expecting updates on my stitching and other crafts I am doing... My blog is about me, my struggles and what I get up to.  If your happy to hear about my and my life as well as what crafts I am doing/creating then thank you for sticking with me! I am in a little hole right now, trying to get myself out of it! 

I should go, try and get some sleep I guess? 

I just looked back at my post and thought well that looks awful.... Ha ah not the writing, the fact I have added no photos and no colours! Very unlike me! 

Until I next pop in.... Xxx





13 comments:

  1. Jacquie, you're just being real. You've just had hope snatched away from you and you can't see any anywhere else. It's okay to feel bad and lost. But you are not quitting and that is major - take what you know you CAN do and build on it. Just know you have lots of ears willing to listen and shoulders when you need them. Good luck as you keep on going.

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  2. Dearest Jacquie, it broke my heart to read your frustrations and situation. Please know we are out here for you....cheering for you....no matter what. Do what you can, one day at a time. Do the best you can.....which you do 24x7. Feel free to email privately if you like, or we can Skype or FaceTime if you'd like to chat. Hugs and best wishes....

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  3. Oh my friend Jacquie. Right now my friend, I am giving you the biggest squeezy hug!! Can you feel it? I hope you can feel the love and care, because I do love and care for you my friend. I am so sorry. This has been a craptastic health year for me as well my friend. We take a deep breath, and we never, never, never give up! Recognize that? And here is another quote from your British great man: “If you're going through hell, keep going.” We can do it Jacquie. I do not know how, but we will. You are stronger than you think my dear. I am so very glad you have the awesome husband you do by your side. God bless you Jacquie. ♥

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  4. So sorry you are going thru this. I do pray that you and your doctors can find a solution to your health problems. I think that the older we get the more health issues we have to suffer thru. Unfortunately this year I am suffering thru my own bad health and I will pray that both of us come thru this in a positive way!

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  5. ohhhh flipperty flip flops .... it is such a shame that it cannot be done but as you say the risks are too high ... glad to hear that you finally have an appointment with the allergy specialist ...try and keep positive ... I know it is hard to be on occaisions, but if you need to talk you know where I am ...(((hugs))) love mouse xxxxx

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  6. I am so sorry to hear what is happening to you Jacquie....I was also hoping the op would be an option for you. Please keep doing the things you love and can manage, you have the best support team in Jon and Hannah and Kevin right there with you and all of us in blog world. Sending you lots of positive thoughts and hugs. Thinking of you.

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  7. Awe Jacquie.... I just wish that I could help in some way. If you think we're here just to hear and share the good, you're wrong. We love you lady and we all have our down times for one reason or another. I'm keeping you in my prayers as enough is enough and you've sure tried hard for a long time. I'm going to ask for guidance and direction for you and some help and understanding from a doctor that will help you with your weight. We love you lady. Don't quit now as you've worked hard to get where you are. Love you lots.

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  8. So sorry that you have to go through the difficult time where even doctors are clueless what exactly would work for you. I can understand and since I am overweight, I know losing weight after a certain number just doesn't work no matter how much we try. I don't have other problems like you and I am a vegetarian still the accumulated stubborn weight doesn't go at all.
    By seeing your complications, I admire that you have the courage to stand up and fight the battle each day of your life and that will power is what will help you come out of it. Keep that positivity and I know saying is easy but doing is very difficult and only who has gone through would really know the pain. keep the positive attitude and will power to live a better life, you can do it!

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  9. Jacquie, you are a strong lady! Crying, feeling down, etc is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign you are human. Not giving up -- that is a sign of strength! You will get through this. I am pulling for you! Keep up with the swimming, even if you don't loose more weight as a result, the exercise is making you healthier. Keep seeking out different medical advice. Someone will have the answer. And just remember, as long as you don't give up, you are STRONG!!!

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  10. I am so sorry dear that you cannot have the operation you had hoped for!I am sure things will get better. Hugs AriadnefromGreece!

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  11. Dear friend, I'm sorry this has been such a hard year with so many challenges. I can certainly understand your frustration and disappointment. As you know, it's been a bad year here, too! Let's hope that 2017 will bring joy, pleasure, and contentment. That's a BIG order to fill--but maybe it will happen! Love and hugs to you!

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  12. Oh Jacquie I'm sorry to hear things are going to rough. I hope you're feeling a bit better now that it's a few weeks later. I wonder if eating something that makes you sick but doing it consistently would get you used to it after a couple of weeks and stop making you sick.

    Don't feel bad about sharing your life that's what your blog is for :) Feel better!

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